


demon cat

by PinkHydrangea



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Mildly Spicy but Not Explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 12:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13008117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkHydrangea/pseuds/PinkHydrangea
Summary: It's in Tatiana's nature to take in strays of any variety: People and animals alike. Zeke is well aware of that much. He just doesn't like it when she brings home cats, and he especially doesn't like it when they get in the way of their personal life.





	demon cat

**Author's Note:**

> as always thank u to tatizeke discord server for uhhhhh letting me talk about dumbass things that then evolve into fully fleshed fics even though they're meaningless and dumb things, but listen, TATIANA ABSOLUTELY TAKES IN EVERY STRAY SHE SEES AND I LOVE HER
> 
> this got.... spicier than intended.... like a 6.5 on the spice scale but im a good christian girl and writing spice embarrasses me

The cat is… ugly. Really, really ugly, with long, frizzled orange fur, tattered ears, mangy whiskers, and a flat face that looks like somebody smashed it in with a frying pan. It’s a big thing, too, but that might just be its mass of fur. In any case, Tatiana can barely hold it in her arms. It’s docile for her, though, seemingly content as it slowly blinks its lazy brown eyes at him.

“Tatiana, my darling,” Zeke starts slowly. “Um.”

“He’s cute!” Tatiana instantly replies. “I found him all alone while I was walking back from town. He was just roaming the moors, all by his widdle self.”

She pouts then, giving him big puppy dog eyes and tilting her head to rest on the cat. It lashes its tail and purrs, squirming so that it can nuzzle her, and she giggles. He grimaces.

“Well, that’s nice and all, but are you planning on us keeping it?” he asks. “I mean, I know I haven’t said this before, but I’m fairly certain that I am not a cat person.”

With a bit of difficulty, she flips the tomcat over in her arms, exposing his fluffy white belly, and gives it a few scritches. “Well, no, we don’t have to keep him. But it was getting to be dark, and I didn’t want anything like wolves or Terrors finding him.”

“I don’t think Terrors have a particular taste for cat.”

“But wolves probably do.” Tatiana leans down and kisses the cat on its ugly, smushed face. “He’s a little sweetie. I can find him a new home, no problem.”

Zeke sighs, glaring down at the cat. It peers up at him with those cold, predatory cat eyes, and when he lifts a hand to perhaps give it a touch, it opens its mouth and hisses at him. He flinches back, grumbling, and frowns at Tatiana when she laughs.

“I’m sorry,” Tatiana says. “I just couldn’t leave him all by his lonesome. I mean, you know better than anyone my tendency to pick up helpless strays, don’t you?”

He flushes. “I don’t like being called a ‘stray.’”

Even if it is fairly accurate.

“I’ll work on finding him a new home in the morning,” she tells him as she walks past. “Just cope for a couple of days, okay?”

* * *

Tatiana feeds the tomcat a plate of fish and gives him a dish of water, pats him on the head, and tells him he’s a very good boy. By the way the cat starts gulping down his food, he’s most certainly a hungry thing, and Zeke comments so while they’re eating their own dinner.

“I don’t think he’s been wandering long,” Tatiana replies. “He’s still pudgy. Somebody must have dumped him out on the grasslands recently. Poor baby has probably never been hungry a day in his life.”

“Being hungry builds character,” Zeke says. “I’m sure he’s come out of it a better cat than before.”

“Awwww, that’s mean! Nothing should have to go hungry.”

He glances back to the cat finishing its meal while he cuts into his meat. _“We’re_ going to go hungry if it keeps eating like that.”

Tatiana smiles. “Well, I think you’re exaggerating. He’ll only be here a couple of days.”

He sighs, once more looking at the cat.

“Darling, you keep looking at him like he’s going to murder us if we turn our eyes away for more than five seconds,” she says. “Do you really not like cats so much?”

“I can’t recall any personal bad experiences with cats,” Zeke mutters. “But, as we all know, I don’t recall most things. I’m sure one nasty little bastard wronged me at a time, if I feel this strongly.”

“Don’t be so rude.”

“It’s a cat, Tatiana. It doesn’t know what I’m saying.”

“But I do. And _I_ think you’re being rude to our houseguest.”

He sets his fork down and glowers at her. “Tatiana, it’s just- Well, don’t get any ideas in your head about keeping that cat. And don’t you go naming it, either. It’ll make it harder to part when you find him a new home.”

“I won’t name him,” she protests. “But I do think the name Squash would suit him well…”

“Tatiana!”

“But, of course, I won’t call him that. Because he’s not mine. I’m sure one of the children will love to name him and take him home, if their parents let them.”

Zeke shakes his head and goes back to his meal, and Tatiana goes back to hers. The cat finishes licking his chops and starts to pace the kitchen, winding his way beneath the table and brushing up against Zeke’s legs. A shudder races up his spine, but he fights the urge to nudge the thing away. Tatiana is right across from him, after all, and if the cat yowls even slightly, he knows she’ll accuse him.

He starts to meow loudly, however, sitting at the end of the table expectantly. His demonic, beady eyes go from Zeke, then to Tatiana, and they stay on her. He knows that he has a better chance with her soft heart, so he moves closer and meows and chirps louder.

“Awww, did I not feed you enough?” she simpers. “Well, I’ll have to ask the fishermen for more fish tomorrow, but for now-”

She plucks a piece of chicken off of her plate and leans down, cooing as she feeds it to him. The tomcat snatches it from her between his paws, chewing and smacking on it loudly, and then starts to whine again as soon as he has swallowed.

“Tatiana, don’t you dare feed it another scrap from this table,” Zeke warns, jabbing his fork at her when she picks up another piece of chicken. “Tatiana. Don’t. You. _Dare.”_

“Oh, noooo,” she gasps as she leans back down. “The chicken. It’s just… falling. Oh, no!”

“Tatiana!”

The cat snaps up the next piece of chicken, eyes all asparkle as he licks her fingers. To Zeke, it seems like the beast is fixing to eat her next.

“Good boy, Squash.”

“I told you not to name the damned cat, Tatiana!”

“Good boy, Squash-is-absolutely-what-I-would-name-you-if-Ezekiel-wasn’t-a-jerk. Such a good boy!”

“Oh, for the love of the gods, Tatiana.”

* * *

Squash curls up by the fire, after consuming half of Tatiana’s meal along with his own, and goes to sleep. He’s full and content, and Zeke doesn’t mind him this way: A good twelve feet away and not moving.

“You are going to find that cat a new home, right?” he asks while he dries the dishes.

Tatiana hands him a plate. “Of course. Cute as he may be, I won’t keep a pet that only one of us wants. That’s not fair.”

Zeke dries the plate and puts it aside. “If you’d brought home a dog, maybe I’d consider it. Dogs are good. Loyal. Strong. Cats? Cats are-”

“They’re sooo fluffy and soft!” She smiles as she finishes washing the last bowl. “I remember, the church had three cats when I was a little girl, and they’d all come into my room and snuggle me when I was in bed!”

He sighs. There’s no point in badmouthing cats while she seems to be so enamored with them. It’ll only lead to a pointless squabble, so he lets it go. All he has to do is put up with the cat for a few days at the most, and then it’ll be over and done with. Tatiana’s persuasive, and it probably won’t be that hard for her to convince someone to take him off their hands.

* * *

Sure, the cat has spent the last day it has been in their home eating their food, bringing in dead lizards, and yowling and scurrying about at 3AM, but Zeke has been able to put up with that. He puts up with it by just buying extra food on his way home from work, sweeping away the lizards and not letting the cat outside all the time, and jamming a pillow over his head.

What he cannot put up with is getting cockblocked.

Squash is resting by the fireplace, his favorite spot in their house, when Zeke and Tatiana decide to turn in for the evening. And when he says “decide to turn in for the evening,” he means they barely stumble their way into the bedroom, pulling at each other’s clothes and grasping at each other. But, they keep it together long enough to get there, take off each other’s clothes and put them aside like civilized people, and then fall onto the bed.

Zeke cups her face, moving his lips roughly against hers, and swallows every little moan and gasp she makes. Her bare skin is warm underneath him, the feeling as addicting as it always is. Tatiana reaches for him, soft sighs leaving her as she drags her hand up the back of his neck and winds it into his hair. The other keeps roving over his back, desperately touching as much bare skin as she possibly can.

His lover tenses, back arching off the bed, as he lets go of her face and starts dragging his hand down her body. He goes slow, gentle, the way he knows she adores, burying his face in her neck to kiss and nip at the delicate skin there. She likes it, as she always does, pushing into his touch and clinging to him like he is the only thing that matters to her.

He _loves_ it.

His hand wanders lower, lower, down over her stomach, lower, and then-

Zeke grunts as a furry weight suddenly pounces on him, and he instantly knows that it’s the stupid demon cat. Squash kneads his paws into his bare skin, turns once, twice, and then curls up as though Zeke’s back is exactly where he belongs. He’s a cat, and of course he doesn’t know any better. Of course he doesn’t know that Zeke was literally seconds away from making love. He’s a cat. Of course. Of course.

The mood shatters as Tatiana laughs with delight, brushing his hand away and reaching up to stroke the cat perched on his shoulder blades. “Did you get upset that nobody was paying attention to you? Poor thing.”

There’s a very specific part of Zeke that is also upset that nobody is paying attention to it, but he doesn’t bring it up.

“Get the cat off my back,” he grumbles. “He’s heavy.”

“You do push-ups with _me_ on your back. Why are you complaining?”

“He’s heavy, and he’s furry, and he is not you. There’s a difference between having this hairy nuisance on me, and having you on me.”

He would very much like it if Tatiana was on him right now, and not necessarily on his back, but that’s another tidbit he keeps to himself.

“Well, fine.” Tatiana squirms out from beneath him, climbs out of bed, and reaches over to grab the menace. She coos, cradling the tomcat and holding him to her chest, and gives him a kiss on the tip of his pink nose.

Zeke watches Squash as he nuzzles against her breasts, ignorant of the trouble he has caused, and can’t help but think, “Gods, I wish that was me.”

He’s about to say, “Put the cat outside, shut the door, and come back to bed,” but she cuts him to the chase. Her voice is bright as she says, “Aww, let’s let him sleep in our bed tonight!”

His stomach drops. “No.”

“Don’t be so mean just because he interrupted us,” she reasons. “I’m sure he just wants to be your friend. That’s why he jumped on you.”

“I will be as mean as I want,” he insists. “We were-!”

“Scoot over,” she says, climbing back into the bed with the cat. “It’s fine. He just wants a little love.”

Part of Zeke wants to sit up and shout, _“I_ want a little love!,” but he settles down, determines that he won’t pout, and turns his back to Tatiana and the cat.

Jerk.

* * *

“Still no home for the little bastard?” Zeke asks.

Tatiana glares at him from her seat. Squash is in her lap while she knits, purring away as he takes the attention that should be dedicated to Zeke from him. It’s been four insufferable days with the cat.

He hasn’t gotten laid in four days.

“You’re awfully snippy as of late,” Tatiana retorts. “I don’t know if I like it.”

“You told me that you’d find a home for the cat in a couple of days. We’ve passed a couple of days. We’re bordering several now.”

“I know, and I promise I’m trying.” She looks guilty, and he feels bad for being so sharp with her. “It’s just that winter is getting a little closer, and not a lot of people are as willing to take in a new mouth to feed as they would be during the summer or something. No matter how small that mouth is, I guess.”

Zeke wouldn’t exactly call Squash “small,” but okay.

“I am sorry for being curt,” he says softly. “I just _really_ don’t like cats.”

“I know, I know!” She chews her lip and looks down at the behemoth. “If I can’t find a home for him in the next week, how about I ride into town and see if there’s anybody there who wants him?”

“That sounds like a plan.” Zeke crosses his legs and opens up his book, prepared to read, and then looks back at Tatiana. “Aren’t you sick of his yowling and running around at the ungodly hours of the early morning?”

She shrugs. “Oh, there’s been worse. He’s just got to get his energy out, you know?”

Zeke still doesn’t like it, and he still doesn’t like Squash.

* * *

Finally, that night, they get in the mood again. Squash is by the fireplace like normal, hopefully fast asleep this time, because Zeke is not willing to be interrupted by the mangy fleabag again. Especially not when Tatiana is wearing something nice underneath her dress, seemingly eager to get on his good side after the slight spat earlier, even though he wouldn’t say she even got on his bad side at that time. Still, if she wants to put on her nicest lingerie and strip his clothes off for him, he’s _definitely_ not going to say no.

Tatiana’s hands rush over his body as she discards the last piece of his clothing. She straddles his lap, leaning into him, and pushes their lips together as he falls on his back against the bed. Zeke buries a hand in her hair, gasping against her, and shifts around so he’s on top. Her hands grip his face as she melds their lips together. Her hair falls over her shoulders in waves, brushing his bare chest, and he pushes locks of it back behind her ears.

“Maybe I should let you bring home strays more often,” he mumbles against her lips, hands tracing over her lace stockings. “If you treat me like this, that is.”

She smiles and presses their lips together again, opening her mouth to let his tongue slide in. She moans into him, pulling back to gasp as he lightly drags the tips of his fingers up and over the slope of her back. Shuddering, she grips him closer, face flushed as he teases her bare skin.

“Don’t be shy,” he whispers in her ear. “Look at me, darling.”

Her eyes stay shut in utter embarrassment as he drags a hand down her hip, grabbing the hem of her lingerie and pulling it along. Embarrassed, as though she wasn’t the one who put on lingerie to carefully seduce the irritation out of him, like she wasn’t the one who stripped him out of his clothes and climbed into his lap.

“Do you want to stop?” he asks.

“No.”

He pushes a kiss to her collarbone. “Mmmm. You just let me know.”

Zeke pulls the scrap of lace down her leg, over her feet, and throws it to the side. Tatiana leans up for a kiss as he braces his hands on her thighs, and he captures her lips eagerly. He focuses more on the hot, open-mouthed kiss for a moment, content to get worked up as she moans and sighs whenever he does something that he knows she likes. He lets a few sounds of his own escape, an assurance to her that he very much likes what she is doing.

When they pull apart, they struggle to catch their breaths, and Zeke thinks that the four days of waiting for this were undoubtedly worth it. Four days of that stupid cat, and however many days more, definitely worth this.

“Are you still mad at me?” Tatiana asks nervously.

He catches her hand as she slides it over his abs, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “I wasn’t very mad in the first place. No need for any apologies, love.”

“Oh, great.” A quaking sigh leaves her as he winds their fingers together and lavishes her neck with hard kisses. “I put this on for nothing.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘nothing,’” he shoots back quietly. “I have been of the impression that you’re as fond of this as I am. Or, have I been wrong?”

She tilts her head back, giving him better access to her throat. “I- Well, yeah-”

Zeke puts a hand to her hip, feeling around, and remembers that he has already removed the lower half of her lingerie. “Shhh. I’m going to spoil you now. You just tell me how you want it, and I’ll provide.”

Tatiana heats up, her face turning scarlet, and glances away. He puts a hand to her cheek and turns her back towards him, slowly moving in towards her lips.

“I love you,” he murmurs. “You’re so cute.”

Their lips barely brush, just ever so slightly press together. Her breath is hot and sweet against his face. He waits, patient, stroking her cheeks beneath his thumb while she works her nerve up.

“I-” One of her hands wanders, sliding across his back. “I, um-”

Together so long, intimate so frequently, and she still is so shy. His lips turn up into a smile. “Yes? Tell me what you desire, my heart.”

She swallows, hooks a leg over his waist to hold him closer, then says a little more strongly, “I want you to-”

The bedroom door creaks, and before either of them can process it, Squash lunges onto the bed. Tatiana squeaks as the cat meows loudly and paces alongside them, and she is red in the cheeks as if another person has walked in on them.

“Oh, no,” she mutters.

Yeah. Oh, no.

“You hold that thought, sweetheart,” Zeke mumbles, his romantic mood suddenly very much gone. “I have a pest to deal with.”

“Oh, Zeke!”

He moves off of his lover in a second, every one of his sharply honed skills coming to play, as though he’s fighting off an entire battalion instead of dealing with a pesky cat. He snatches up Squash in the blink of eye, pulling a startled yowl from him. Zeke is mad, sure, but not a monster, so he still handles him carefully, without any intent to harm. Careful, but still firm and brimming with rage.

“Lousy bastard,” Zeke spits as he moves out of the bed, still completely nude and flushed, the cat frothing mad in his grip. “Once, I can deal with. Twice? Twice?! I’m only a man!”

“Please, careful!”

Careful. Careful. This is a living creature, he has to be careful, that’s right. But, cats do land on their feet.

He opens the door further, scowling, and tosses the spitting Squash outside. He waits a moment, ensuring that he hasn’t been too harsh and that the cat lands squarely on his paws. Once Squash falls properly in the middle of the hallway, shakes his fur out, and turns his head to hiss and spit violently at Zeke, he slams the door shut.

He gasps, chest heaving, and the room is awkwardly silent.

Cockblocked. Twice. By a cat.

Ezekiel. Cockblocked.

“Um…”

He snaps his head over to Tatiana, sitting up nervously on the bed. She’s still red, and her eyes flicker around the room.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I just- I was-!” He takes a heaving breath. “I didn’t throw him hard. I checked. He’s fine. Just frothing mad.”

She presses her lips, glancing away from his nude form. “Oh. Um… Uh… You’re still- Do you still want to-?”

The mood is gone, but she’s still beautiful and waiting politely for him. He collects himself best he can, goes back to the bed, and spoils her as promised.

* * *

Squash has it out for him now. Zeke knows it. The cat is still wildly fond of Tatiana, purring whenever she comes within ten feet of him. He still eats out of her hand, nuzzles his smushy face against hers whenever she picks him up to hold him, and cuddles her when she lies down on the couch, but the demon cat couldn’t possibly hate him anymore than he does now.

The first instance had been the following morning after the event with the whole throwing thing. Squash had come to their room early in the morning, much too early with them both exhausted after spending most of the night awake together, and scratched on the door until the paint chipped, yowling loud enough to wake the dead. Zeke had been able to handle that, because he deserved it. Even if he hadn’t harmed the cat, he had still been unfairly rough with him when all he wanted was attention.

The second instance, however, was lunging up onto the counter while their backs were turned, snatching an entire mouthful of ham and eggs from one plate, and staring Zeke directly in the eye while he’d chewed. Of course, that had been Zeke’s prepared plate, though how the monster knew that, he doesn’t know. Cats are frightening.

The third instance came about a day later, when Squash decided that Zeke’s coat made for a very fine bed. Partially, this was Zeke’s fault for leaving his coat on the chair in the living room, but Squash’s decision to lie down on his uniform when plenty of other more comfortable things, like Tatiana’s handmade quilts and throw pillows, were available seemed deliberate. No lasting damage done to the coat, he deduced the next morning, but plenty of cat-smell and gaudy orange cat fur.

The fourth instance? Squash braving his aversion to water to lunge into the bath with him, mucking up the water and knocking over every bottle and soap bar in sight. The fifth? The cat conveniently deciding to lie in wait in a perfect loaf-shape whenever Zeke decided to leave a room, causing him to trip and stumble innumerable times. This ploy, however, did leave Squash with a bruised tail on one attempt, and Zeke still feels a little smug about that.

The sixth instance is ongoing, involving scattered attempts all over, seemingly careful plans to absorb Tatiana’s attention whenever it should be directed to him, her actual human lover, who works hard to provide for them. He comes home? The second Tatiana steps forward with a kiss for him on her lips, Squash sits at their feet and screeches loudly. Cuddle time after dinner? The beast nudges between them when they get close and curls up in her lap, giving her what Tatiana describes as “sad and pitiful eyes” to draw her affection to him. Bedtime? Zeke comes into the bedroom to find the cat already curled up with Tatiana, sleeping on his side of the bed.

The beast is not only cockblocking him, but full-on stealing the love of his life.

The seventh instance is the one that finally gets Zeke to snap. He’s working on inventory reports and orders from home, diligently writing away at his small desk in the bedroom, when he hears the door creak open. He glances over, longing to see Tatiana, but whatever slight smile he had falls when he glances down to see the ball of orange mange creeping in with his head tucked towards the ground.

“It’s you,” Zeke says, glaring at Squash while he walks around. “Why do you have your head lowered like that? What are you up to this time? I’m doing my job, so if you could be a decent cat for once, I’d appreciate it.”

Squash chirps, but it’s a muffled sound. He wriggles his rear, then lunges onto the desk and sits down. He lifts his head, staring at him, and Zeke is mortified to find that there is a very large, very dead, very bloody mouse hanging in Squash’s jaw.

He stares at Squash

Squash stares back.

The cat lowers his head politely, mockingly so, if Zeke were to give his opinion, and slowly sets the gore onto his desk. Zeke looks down at it, then back up to Squash, who is staring at him calmly and evenly while he lashes his tail.

“I hate you,” Zeke tells him. “With all my heart and soul.”

Squash chirps, looks around the desk, and then lifts his paw. Zeke glares, narrowing his eyes, and wonders what the bastard is up to. It’s then that he notices a spare bottle of ink hovering near the edge of the desk, and the cat’s paw is coming dangerously close to it.

“Don’t do it,” Zeke warns.

Squash swings his tail and stares at him, cold and unfeeling. His paw inches closer to the bottle.

“Ink is expensive right now,” he says. “Don’t you dare.”

The paw inches closer.

Zeke puts down his quill. “You lousy fleabag.”

Squash strikes, batting his paw out as Zeke lunges to grab the ink bottle. He misses, outdone by a cat just a little too quick for him, and the ink bottle goes flying from the desk. It falls to the ground, Zeke holds his breath, but, praise the Father, it lands just right on the carpet and doesn’t even crack.

Squash stares at him.

Zeke leaves the bottle on the ground and instead lashes out, scooping up the tomcat by his scruff while he hisses. He moves away from his desk, the chair scraping against the floor, and holds the cat up to his face.

“You are the worst cat that has ever existed,” he spits, wagging a finger at the beast. “Tatiana should’ve left you to the Terrors!”

Squash hisses and bats at Zeke’s face. He recoils, holding the cat farther away, and makes for the door.

“Tatiana!” he calls. “Tatiana!”

Her voice comes from the front room. “Zeke?”

Gods, gods above, he loves her so dearly, but he’s had it with her stupid charity case. He marches down the hall, Squash swinging from his grip, shouting, “I’ve had it! I’ve had it, you hear me, Tatiana? Gods bless you and your soft heart, but I’ve had it up to here with this damnable beast!”

She sounds alarmed as he comes closer to the front room. “Zeke, uh-!”

“He’s a wretch! First the door, then the coat, and the bath, and the attention-hogging”—He comes out of the hall, eyes squeezed shut in frustration—“now the dead mouse, and not to mention the fact that he seemingly _loves_ intruding on our sex life, and-!”

“Ezekiel! Please!”

Her voice is horrified, and his eyes fly open. Standing close by the door is Tatiana, but also a woman he recognizes as one of her closer friends, the village’s seamstress. Clinging to seamstress, eyes wide as she shies away, is a girl no older than six. The seamstress appears bewildered but amused, hand on her daughter’s head, and Tatiana’s face is a vivid red as she hovers nearby.

“Oh.” He lowers his voice immediately, back down to that polite, slightly hushed voice he always uses around those he doesn’t know that well or command. He burns up as well as the seamstress gives Tatiana a sly look while mouthing “Intruding?”

“Ezekiel.” Tatiana’s voice is quivering, but he can tell it’s with mortification over anger. As a saint, most people prefer to keep the image of “purity” in their minds when they look at her. It’s important for a saint to have that image, she’s repeatedly said. It’s not proper for her lover to go around, cat in grip, shouting about an intrusion on her sex life. Not to mention, there’s a six-year-old looking around in bafflement, who will likely undoubtedly pester her parents about what that means as soon as she can.

“Oh, my.” Zeke lowers the suddenly well-behaved Squash, holding him properly in his arms as he stares at the scene. “I wasn’t aware we were to have guests. H-how do you do this afternoon, Miss…?”

“Well, Tatiana, your Ezekiel doesn’t seem too fond of the kitty,” the seamstress says with a quirked brow. “What’s this about intruding on-?”

“Rosa!” Tatiana glances around, as though she’s concerned the head priest from the priory will lunge out of their kitchen cabinets to call her to repentance. “Um, Zeke, Rosa and her daughter were interested in Squash.”

Oh, hell. He’s ruined his chances at finding this mangy beast a good home. He pales, looking from Tatiana to Rosa, and shakes his head.

“I was- I was overreacting!” he sputters. “This is undoubtedly the best cat in the world. He- he’d make an excellent family pet.”

Squash chirps in agreement. Zeke wants to tell him to shut up.

Rosa looks at Tatiana. “Hmm. Are you certain he won’t cause havoc around the house?”

His lover pushes her hands together in a plea. “Please, I promise! He really is a nice kitty. It’s just Zeke he has a problem with. Whenever I take him to meet people, he’s so well-behaved.”

“He’s ugly.”

Zeke looks down as the little girl peers out from behind her mother. Her eyes are trained on the cat, and after her words, he expects a look of disgust. Yet, he finds nothing but fondness in the child’s eyes, and she slowly approaches them. He crouches down, balancing Squash in his grip, and lets her come closer.

“You like him?” he asks quietly. “You can pet him, miss. But, be very soft.”

She nods solemnly and strokes the cat, giggling when he starts purring loudly. “I like him a lot.”

By the door, Rosa sighs and crosses her arms. “Well, whether he’s a good cat or not, we’ll take him. Father knows this one needs a pal to keep her company. And now, he’ll practically be your next-door neighbor! Feel free to drop by and see him, ‘kay?”

Zeke’s heart soars. Are they really, truly, honestly going to take this demon beast from him? Are they going to free him from the shackles of his endless torment? Is he finally, after over a week, finally going to be able to sleep in the same bed as his lover in peace? Is this truly reality?

The girl squeals and holds out her arms, jumping on the balls of her feet and waving her hands excitedly. “Yay!”

Zeke carefully hands Squash over to her, amused that, when she holds the cat underneath his front legs and lets the rest of him dangle, he’s just as big as her, and his massive amount of fluff nearly drowns her. Squash doesn’t seem to mind being held so roughly, squeezed in a death-grip of a hug, or swung around a little. He chirps in a pleasant manner, then looks at Zeke in a way that communicates, “I hate you. Goodbye.”

“We named him Squash,” Tatiana tells the girl and her mother. “Because he’s orange, like the inside of a butternut squash, you see?”

“Clever as always, aren’t you?” Rosa says. She pats her daughter on the head, waves to Tatiana, and turns for the door. “Thanks. You folks have a good evenin’.”

“Thank you!” the little girl squeals before the door shuts.

They’re gone, demon cat with them, and Zeke stares at the door.

“He’s gone,” he says.

Tatiana claps her hands together and sets them on her hips. “Told you I could find him a new home. Rosa has a hard time having kids, so her daughter isn’t likely to get any siblings anytime soon. They were going to go into town to get a kitten, but I convinced them that Squash was perfect.”

Zeke lets out a gasping sigh and buries his face in his hands. “He’s gone. Honestly, truly. Thank you, Tatiana, thank you.”

“Sorry it took so long to get him out of here,” she mutters sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders. “Like I said, nobody really wanted him.”

“He’s an awful cat,” he groans into his hands. “Of course they didn’t want him. They could tell. He’s the worst cat in the world.”

Tatiana crosses her arms and puffs her cheeks out. “Now, he only hated you so viciously because he knew you hated him, and you threw him out that one time! He was perfectly nice to me.”

“He was the worst!” Zeke insists. He pulls his face from his hands and shakes his head. “And you named him Squash because of his _fur?”_

Her eyes fly open wide. “Huh? What else would I have named him Squash for?”

“His ridiculous face, darling. His face is all, I don’t know, squashed in? I thought that was for sure the reason.”

She leans against the arm of the couch, cheek in a hand while she considers it. “Oh. Oh! Oh yes, that would have been clever as well. But his fur looks exactly like the inside of a butternut squash. I can’t believe you didn’t make that connection.”

“If you wanted to name him after a butternut squash so badly, why didn’t you name him something cute like Butternut?”

“Well, that’s just a silly name for a kitty.”

“You named him Squash… After a butternut squash. I desperately love you.”

* * *

Squash seems to serve the little girl well, because whenever Zeke passes her on his way home, the cat is always diligently padding after her. It’s nice to see the monster cat clicking so well and making a child so happy, and he hopes he isn’t causing any trouble for anybody else in that house. Whenever he sees them, the little girl stops and waves, and then says, “Squash, say hi!”

Squash simply stares at him. Cold, unfeeling, cruel.

Menacing.

“Er, you run along, little miss,” Zeke encourages with a pat to her back. “I’m glad you two are such good friends.”

“He’s the best cat ever,” she says confidently. “Thank you for giving him to me. Tell Tatiana I said hi!”

They leave, undoubtedly heading off on some adventure, and Zeke is unnerved when Squash suddenly stops, lashes his tail, and then turns his head slowly to fix his eyes on him one last time.

“Squash! Come on!”

Squash scampers off, leaving Zeke terrified in his wake.

The demon cat has no soul.


End file.
